The Chainsaw Hillbillies:
the Revenge of the Saw
By: Owen Thacker



After waking up and finding out that Ricky was fine and the chainsaw dudes never got him I also found out I had no school today. So, after knowing that I could eat my breakfast in peace... it was a big breakfast too, because all I had for the past day and a-half all I had eaten was a cup of tea and some cookies. Also, since I don’t need much sleep, I need a ton of food to keep me active. I played on my Wii and then watch a movie and went out to dinner. By then, all the hillbillies knew were I lived and I was pretty sure they wanted revenge. I always locked my window at night and I was positive that if I got lazy and slipped up and forgot to lock it, I was as dead as a petrified mouse in the middle of the road. And, as fate would have it, I did slip up but thankfully I was not asleep. I was sitting downstairs reading a book. And by downstair I meant in my basement were we keep all our sports stuff. Well, I have pretty keen ears so I heard some floorboards creaking and, so I went and got my brand new 31 inch, 18 ounce baseball bat. I went upstairs knowing I should call the cops, but, I wanted to beat them again. So, therefore, I was a pretty good batter, and, well, you could say I was hittin’ more like Ryan Zimmerman with kind of adrenaline going though my body at the moment. But, it was nothing like last time because I knew what was coming... NOT! It turned out that it was the pizza man and the reason he was in my house was if no-one answered the door I told him just to come in and he was waiting for the bill. I paid it and put a piece in the microwave. My mom and dad were out on their anniversary dinner at the Melting Pot. My sister was asleep and so was my brother... my 2 1/2 year old brother (also the reason that we couldn’t go to dinner with my parents to one of my favorite reaustraunts in the world). Well, then I went upstairs and put n my dad's old tape from the 1996 UVa vs. VT football game. I loved watching that tape because it was one of the few times that UVa beat Tech. Well, after that was over I looked out the window to see a large suprise. It was snowing! But, also to great suprise that, uh, well, there were footprints in the snow. Uh oh. I left the back door open. It was like a full count with the bases loaded and two, bottom of the 9th with the score tied. Well, I heard another noise and II noticed that thankfully I still had a bat in my hand. It was half-past 11 and well as anyone would know that I was kinda creeped out by what they would have this time, shotguns? Well, then I heard the familiar roar of a chainsaw and I was kinda relieved me that it wasn’t a foreign air force. S0, then I went downstairs and went up face to face. Then there was blood everywhere and it was really gory. No, sorry, just kidding there was no blood but I heard them trying to get the door that was actually locked and so I just threw some kitchen knives at the door and it was the end of that. So, I went to bed. I woke up the next morning and I had a baseball game. I will just skip to the exciting part which was the bottom of the 9th inning and we were down one run with 2 outs and we were up. Then, with a full count, Wyatt, my friend, hit a double. I was up. I was also was the winning run. and, I think I forgot to tell you that it was the championship game. They pitched 2 strikes and 1 ball. I’m tall so tall pitches are what I love. Than the next pitch was a high strike so, I had to swing, I did, and with a perfect pitch, a slight uppercut and pressure the ball went soaring and when I heard the ball on the bat I knew it was gone.I was running the bases and I knew I would get a dogpile once Wyatt got plated. So, halfway to third, I was mobbed. It, was a great feeling to have really crushed that one. And, the sad part was that the other teams pitcher was one of my friends so we went over to give high-fives to the other team. After that the day just got better because I found out I was going over to Wyatt’s grandparents farm where our friends from our 2010 All-pro champs and beach bowl losers live. And, our friends have a Gator and Wyatt’s grandparents have a golf cart.